Melissa Lefkowicz from Babywearing International of Chicagoland Shares Her Story
‘What exactly is babywearing?’ While babywearing is pretty much what it sounds like – wearing your baby on your body in a carrier—this simple question led me to find a community of parents that have supported me throughout my motherhood journey. While I didn’t put much thought into the type of carrier I wanted to purchase with my first child, by the time I had my second, I began to realize the value of having my hands free while still being able to hold my tiny son. As I searched for more information about getting a carrier more ideally suited to my family’s needs my sister, an accredited babywearing educator, directed me to an online forum focused on all-things-babywearing.
I soon found myself in a sea of information. Websites were divided into specific categories for various carrier types, pages for buy-sell-trade activity, designated areas for babywearing educators, and even sections dedicated to finding local babywearing groups in your region. I soon found that within these regional groups, small spin off groups would often form over other common interests. Over time I found that these groups and forums—and the conversations taking place within them—allowed me to connect to other caregivers who were in situations similar to me. I was home with my children all day, without any other adult interaction until my spouse came home from work, so these networks were my way to connect to other adults throughout the day. Aside from these babywearing forums being a place for me to learn more about the practice itself, I found them to be an extremely valuable way to connect with other people. Many remained solely online relationships while others grew when I was able to meet online group members in real life (most often at national babywearing conferences). This may seem like such a miniscule way in which babywearing indirectly “helped” me as a parent – but providing that connection to so many other caregivers in similar situations to myself truly made me feel a part of something and connected to others when at times, I felt so alone.
As I mentioned above, one feature of that first online forum, was a section to find local babywearing groups. I helped facilitate one of these groups with my sister, and found I really enjoyed promoting the practice of babywearing and to educate people on how do it safely. We had a library of carriers that were available at meetings for people to come and learn with, and one benefit of becoming a member of the group was that members could borrow a library carrier for a month at a time. This was especially helpful for people who weren’t really sure of what kind of carrier they wanted to get. Some carriers can be a pretty big investment, so finding out what you like and what works for you can be very helpful! At meetings, we’d have a combination of people in attendance; those who were there with it being their first exposure to babywearing and were learning about carriers for the first time, there were some who had been coming for a while and were there to try a new carrier, and still others were there simply for the time they’d get to spend with other adults – not only in the presence of their children! It became a way to grow a sense of community and build relationships – all based off a common practice in their arsenal of parenting tools. In addition to monthly meetings, playdates, events, or even just a few people grabbing lunch with their little ones after a meeting – these were all ways that very real and lasting friendships were formed.
It was through these real life connections – and the online ones as well – that I came to have my “babywearing family.” When my water broke three months before my due date, it was a group of online friends where I immediately went and asked “uhh – here’s what happened – is it what I think it is? It’s too soon!” THEN I called my husband and things were set in motion.
After the birth, we faced a three-month NICU stay which truly allowed me to see how strong the bonds I had forged with these women had become. We had so many friends—many from the local babywearing group—dropping off meals. Meanwhile, online, a secret group had formed – dedicated to raising funds, and eventually – some very special packages began to arrive (I didn’t realize it then, but each time I’d be opening a package, my husband had his phone open to record my reaction as I saw what had come; he’d then send those videos to the group so they could see how overwhelmed and grateful I was for all their efforts). Special gifts, ranging from handmade plush birds to decorate my daughter’s room (her name means “pretty little bird”), gifts for the boys, a gift card with enough money on it to help us purchase a freezer for the huge collection of pumped breast milk I was accumulating, and even several woven wraps that I was later able to use to hold my daughter close… remembering all those friends who had rallied around us at such a difficult time in our lives.
Being immersed in the online babywearing community, attending national conferences, becoming a babywearing educator in the local community… many of these were experiences I had never expected as a mother. But babywearing provided a common thread to allow me to connect with other mothers—to draw on their experiences, find support when I needed it most, and to have friends who can relate to my both my joys and struggles. These relationships have made such a difference.
Learn more about babywearing at Babywearing International of Chicagoland
